I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
