I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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