I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize