Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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