A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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