By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
