guys are only as good as the porn they watch
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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