Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
