how can u be prego again
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
