Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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