You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
