Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
