It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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