Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
