I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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