My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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