They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dear god my vagina.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
