so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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