I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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