She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
