The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
