I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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