DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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