Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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