Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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