3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize