The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
