a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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