someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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