South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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