Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
