Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
