my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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