Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
