You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
