she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
