4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
