DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
