Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
