he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize