better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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