Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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