why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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