You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
