I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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