I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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