We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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