i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
