I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
