My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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