ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you had me at cake vodka
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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