well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
