So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
