we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
