He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
They took my balls.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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