I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
