Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
