The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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