i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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