Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
