If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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