Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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