Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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