Don't make out with my wife yet
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I just sharted jello shots
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
