i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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