I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My ATM looks so different sober.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
