Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
