May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
