Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
