We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
