I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
