drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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