I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
