he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
