you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
