Define "chronic" masturbator.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
