dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
