I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
